When my girls were little, staying connected was easy.
They were attached to my hip. Literally. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom alone. (You all know exactly what I’m talking about.)
Now they have their own friends, their own opinions, and they want their own privacy in the bathroom. Like, who are you, child? 😂 Rude. But true.
My girls still talk to me. Trust me, they talk a lot, and I love our talks. But I’ve noticed that staying connected doesn’t just happen anymore the way it did when they were small. I have to be a little more on purpose about it.
Our conversations need a “north” if I actually want to get closer to them, not just talk.
I love that we can talk the whole drive home, and then sit in the car after we park because they’re still finishing the hour-by-hour story. I’m 36 and I still talk to my mom on the phone every day. I want that same closeness with my girls as they grow up and this is where it starts.
Here are 5 ways I’m working on it every day.
5 simple ways I’m staying connected with my kids as they grow
1. Be there for the in-between moments. The best talks in our house don’t happen when I plan them. They happen in the car, at bedtime, or while I’m cooking. I’m learning to slow down in those moments instead of rushing to the next thing. This one is hard for us busy moms, but it’s worth it.
2. Ask better questions. “What was the best part of your day?” “Who did you sit with at lunch?” “What’s something you’re excited about right now?” Real questions get real answers. I shared a few more in my last post. You can find it [here].
3. Get into their world. Watch the show. Listen to the song. Learn the friend’s name. Ask them which friend they want to pray for. It tells them, “I care about what you care about.”
4. Keep one thing that’s just yours. It can be as simple as a grocery run or getting their favorite drink. My tween loves boba. I’m not a fan, but we make time for a quick boba run just so we can talk the whole way there and back.
5. Stay the safe place. When they come to me with something hard, I want my face to say “I’m glad you told me” before my mouth says anything else. That makes our home a safe haven for them and their friends too. My mom did this for me and my friends, and I always knew I could go to her. It changes everything.
Grace for this season
Ecclesiastes 3:11 says He has made everything beautiful in its time.
That means this stage is beautiful too. Not just the baby years.
This one, with the eye rolls (God help me) and the long stories and the kids who are becoming their own person.
If you go back to the beginning of chapter 3, the Bible says:
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, NIV)
The verses go on to list all the things there’s a time for. That applies to us today because just when we moms feel like we’ve figured out one stage, it changes without warning. That will happen in every season of our lives and theirs. The only thing that stays the same in every season is God. He stays faithful.
So in this season of not knowing, I choose to stay close to Him, and though I can’t see the full picture, He can.
I don’t have to hold on tighter to stay close.
I just have to keep showing up and trust God with the rest.
Your turn
Where do the best conversations happen in your house? The car? Bedtime? The kitchen?
Tell me in the comments.
Want a few easy conversation starters?
Grab my free 12 Connection Questions for Moms + Growing Kids. Just pop in your email at the bottom of this post.
Growing right alongside them,
Claudia
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